And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
