I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
