1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize