haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
