to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
