Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize