I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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