Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
