How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
