she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
