my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
