So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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