dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
