my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
