Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
