I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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