Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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