an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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