he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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