So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize