I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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