I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
