So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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