I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
