I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
