I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
