Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
