running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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