I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
