I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
