Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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