If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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