Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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