$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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