I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
