85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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