Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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