He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
