Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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