the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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