Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
