i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize