I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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