Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He did a backflip because drugs
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