Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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