those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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