Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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