I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
