hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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