You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
