i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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