soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
