What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
