pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
