How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
