i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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