Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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