His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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