cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
