Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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