ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize