remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
