hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You ate ashes out of my bong
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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