it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
