you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
