I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize