The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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