You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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