so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
