im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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