I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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