My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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