I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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