she told me i tasted like america
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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