I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
