I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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