Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize