I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
