His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
