Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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