When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
