Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
