I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
