I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize