TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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