I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
