you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I could make wine with my vomit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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