Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I need to stop coming to work sober
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
