Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I deserve this hangover.
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