come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
