It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize