Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
