Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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