i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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