Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
