Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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