sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
cat food counts as protein by the way
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
