Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
