look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
