I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
