I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He better not be in your backpack
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
