Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
