Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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