I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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