Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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