Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
