I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
